So he gave up the grave that he had reserved for himself. " It is a great trial to me," he wrote privately to Forster, "to give up Mary's grave; greater than I can possibly express. I thought of moving her to the catacombs and saying nothing about it ... The desire to be buried next to her is as strong upon me now, as it was five years ago, and I know (for I don't think there ever was love like that I bear her) that it will never diminish. I cannot bear the thought of being excluded from her dust. ... I ought to get the better of it, but it is very hard. I never contemplated this--and coming so suddenly, and after being ill, it disturbs me more than it ought. It seems like losing her a second time." And when the grave was opened he went to the cemetary to look again at her coffin. But he did get the better of it. Within days, he was absorbed in Barnaby (Rudge).
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